Hello and welcome to this week's eight sentences. I am continuing with 'Patrick's Pendant' from the Yellow Silk Dream anthology 'Enchanted'. This week I have jumped ahead a few paragraphs and the girls have decided to walk to the main road from the park:
My Eight:
It was only a
short walk, maybe 300 metres, but the trees grew denser and the leaves crackled
beneath their heels. The wind seemed to have died down and everywhere was
still, through the silence they could hear the low hoot of an owl.
The path that
led away from the clearing and toward the road was barely visible in the dark, it was shaded by trees and covered with fallen leaves. The owl hooted again,
closer this time. Katie, lost in her own thoughts paid no attention to their
surroundings, but Miranda was becoming increasingly concerned.
“I can’t even see the road up ahead anymore!” she
said.
“Don’t worry,”
replied Katie, “It can’t be far now.”
They heard it
together and stopped in their tracks.
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great use of detail and setting the scene. nice 8
ReplyDeleteFantastic visual of their walk through the park. Who's following them? I'm intrigued. Great 8.
ReplyDeleteLots of great tension here and you set the atmosphere just right. Great eight!
ReplyDeleteGemma!! I'm completely spooked. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThis is scary, what was the noise?
ReplyDeleteThey heard what?!? Gemma, not nice : ) Nice amount of tension and buildup.
ReplyDeleteNot fair!!! What did they hear? LOL... Nice snippet.
ReplyDeleteYou showed so much in this excerpt. Vivid details and descriptions. Very well done! :)
ReplyDeleteOoh, spooky. Her comment about not being able to see the road ahead was great...can't wait to read more. Excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteWonderfully descriptive passage. Curiosity has been peaked about what they heard. Definitely spooky!
ReplyDeleteYour eight put this reader on edge thinking of my own daughter ignoring warnings. Good writing and Boo, shame on you for scaring all of us!
ReplyDeleteI can relate since can't see in the dark. Wonder what they heard?
ReplyDeleteGak! What's up ahead?! Nice job creating an edgy mood. ::bites nails for the women::
ReplyDeleteooh love this! I got goosebumps at the end. Can't wait to see what happens next week!
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone! I am so glad that you're enjoying this spooky tale!
ReplyDeleteSo spooky!! What did they hear? I can't wait to see more.
ReplyDeleteNice description--spooky setting. The word 'it' from "They heard it..." Jumped out at me a little, as something vague among the specific. Maybe something still suspenseful, but more detailed would work better?
ReplyDeleteLike 'the noise,' or even a sound description like a crackle or snap that would still leave us wondering what's happening. :)
Ah well Caitlin, that's the thing with only eight sentences! The next sentences do say what exactly they heard but sticking to 8 left it hanging! Thanks for commenting.
DeleteYikes. Spooky 8 this week .thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteVery spooky. What did they hear! Great 8.
ReplyDeleteArrgh!! WHAT did they hear?? lol! Excellent snippet for Halloween week! Nicely done :-)
ReplyDeleteAhhhh! Tease! What did they hear??? Very captivating 8!
ReplyDeleteUgh. Seems like none of the comments I did from my ipad went through yesterday.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I basically said what everyone else did,what did they hear! Great job building suspense in so few sentences.