Hi And welcome to this week's eight sentences. I am moving on with 'Pleasing Mia'. Scott hasn't seen Mia for a few weeks and, having bumped into her in the street asks her to join him for a coffee:
MY EIGHT
To Scott’s
relief Mia nodded and walked with him into the precinct to a small, very busy,
café. Scott ordered cappuccino’s and studied her face. Even without her smile
and in this agitated state she was stunning. He wished that Mia would let him
in, trust him and talk to him. Scott made his way to a small table carrying
both coffees and skilfully avoiding the hazards of customers’ outstretched legs
and stray, inconvenient chairs. Once seated his confidence rose in the shadow
of her vulnerability.
“Mia,” he said, “Look, l really like you, l
want to spend more time with you, would you like to do that?”
Mia raised her
eyes and focussed on Scott’s warm, earnest face.
***********************
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Synopsis:
On a weekend visit to a local nightclub, Scott, a quiet, good looking man, sets his eyes on a beautiful girl dancing with complete abandonment on the dance floor. Everybody is watching her, though she seems oblivious to any attention she is receiving. The girl (Mia) is simply lost in the music.
When eventually circumstances lead her to succumb to his quiet charm Scott discovers Mia’s wild sexual nature is not restricted to the dance floor. As he struggles to keep up with her sexual prowess and ever changing moods Scott discovers a side of himself that he had not deemed possible. Pleasing Mia is by no means an easy accomplishment. Will Scott succeed?
His confidence rose in the shadow of her vulnerability...love it!
ReplyDeleteAww, will she go ahead and be honest with him?? I'm hoping so. Nice buildup of emotions and suspense here.
ReplyDeleteOne tiny critique comment: you've got an extra apostrophe in "cappucino's".
I do like this young man and 'possibilities. Lovely eight.
ReplyDeleteSensual under current in this scene. I agree with Millie. Great line--"...in the shadow of her vulnerability."
ReplyDeleteHe has so many expectations, I wonder if she is up for them.
ReplyDeleteI really like the sense of place here and how you've woven it in so deftly with Scott's thoughts.
ReplyDeleteGemma, this line is a show-stopper! " ...his confidence rose in the shadow of her vulnerability." Beautiful. Nicely done! Good 8. :-)
ReplyDeleteI like you wove the setting into the scene. Nice.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone! Whoops and sorry about the cappuccino apostrophe!
ReplyDeleteI wonder what she's going to say to him. (I always feel so protective of Scott, don't ask me why LOL.) Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteNice details--I love the obstacle course in the coffee shop! I can relate to that. Sometimes there's no chairs, other times it seems like they're multiplying somehow.
ReplyDeleteGreat imagery. I love to know what she'll say. :)
ReplyDeleteOoo, I hope she says yes! Great attention to detail.
ReplyDelete