Sunday 5 January 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors #50




Happy New Year! Welcome to the first wewriwa of 2014! It's going to be a good year this year, I can feel it in my bones!
I am kicking the year off with eight sentences from a current, untitled, work in progress.
I'd love to know what you think.

My Eight:

I was born and bred a city girl but right now I needed tranquility. I had been here before, just a few months ago. The beauty of the park and the vast outlay of the lake had taken my breath away. It was just perfect. Today was no exception and I cleared my mind of all but the most fleeting of thoughts as I stared at the perfectly reflected images of the trees spread out along the water’s edges. Somewhere in the distance I could make out the raggedy outline of a lone fisherman watching the water with hopeful eyes. Life was good.
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Thank you for visiting today, please leave a comment as I really appreciate it! To visit the other authors taking part today please click on the link below:

19 comments:

  1. Very nice, Gemma! You did a great job of painting a beautiful and relaxing scene! Please continue :-)

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  2. Lovely scene! Put me right there. :)

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  3. I love the description and the emotion behind it. Very well done!

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  4. great visual to draw us into the heroine's mind.

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  5. So much about her in eight sentences. I felt as if I was with her in the moment.

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  6. Tranquility like the beginning of a Disney film. What evil lurks behind the trees as she relaxes? Lovely eight.

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  7. Lovely description. I would reconsider the word "outlay." It's used so often to indicate what's been paid for something.

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  8. Loved this description. I wanted to be there too!

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  9. I could certainly visualize the scene from that lovely description. I want to be there! I'm with SueAnn, the word 'outlay' threw me for a moment too..but overall, you painted such a gorgeous scene, I'm left wondering what's going to come along to disturb her - so I'm hooked LOL. Great snippet!

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  10. This is lovely, Gemma! I love the country. Fresh air, sunshine, and the sounds of nature are so refreshing.

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  11. Whenever a character says, "life is good," I immediately suspect it's about to change...

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  12. You set up the scene so beautifully. Now I'm looking around wondering what's going to shatter that perfect tranquility.

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  13. How did she know the fisher's eyes were hopeful? sorry pov is my weak spot so I really concentrate on it in others' work

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    1. Hi Sue, Thank you for commenting. As a fisherman's purpose is to catch fish I would assume he would be looking at his line hopefully, I was just waxing lyrical.

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  14. Out of context, I can't be sure you don't do this elsewhere, but in case you don't...

    The description creates a lovely tranquil feel, but a little more might help. The air must be still for the reflections to be so perfect--is the day warm, or cool? Are there leaves on the trees? Another sensory detail would really tie this together--what she smells, feels, or hears, maybe.

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    1. Hi Caitlin, thank you for your comment. It's so hard in eight sentences to show the largest part of the paragraph. I do go on to describe weather and things in more detail, thank you for your input.

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  15. I'm definitely in for more of this story. I have no idea where you're going with it, but I want to know more. :)

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  16. She seems the opposite of me, the country side stresses me out.

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