Happy New Year! Welcome to the first wewriwa of 2014! It's going to be a good year this year, I can feel it in my bones!
I am kicking the year off with eight sentences from a current, untitled, work in progress.
I'd love to know what you think.
My Eight:
I was born and bred a city girl but right now I needed tranquility. I had been here before, just a few months ago. The beauty of the
park and the vast outlay of the lake had taken my breath away. It was just
perfect. Today was no exception and I cleared my mind of all but the most
fleeting of thoughts as I stared at the perfectly reflected images of the trees
spread out along the water’s edges. Somewhere in the distance I could make out
the raggedy outline of a lone fisherman watching the water with hopeful eyes.
Life was good.
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Thank you for visiting today, please leave a comment as I really appreciate it! To visit the other authors taking part today please click on the link below:
Very nice, Gemma! You did a great job of painting a beautiful and relaxing scene! Please continue :-)
ReplyDeleteLovely scene! Put me right there. :)
ReplyDeleteI love the description and the emotion behind it. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteLovely snippet!
ReplyDeletegreat visual to draw us into the heroine's mind.
ReplyDeleteSo much about her in eight sentences. I felt as if I was with her in the moment.
ReplyDeleteTranquility like the beginning of a Disney film. What evil lurks behind the trees as she relaxes? Lovely eight.
ReplyDeleteLovely description. I would reconsider the word "outlay." It's used so often to indicate what's been paid for something.
ReplyDeleteLoved this description. I wanted to be there too!
ReplyDeleteI could certainly visualize the scene from that lovely description. I want to be there! I'm with SueAnn, the word 'outlay' threw me for a moment too..but overall, you painted such a gorgeous scene, I'm left wondering what's going to come along to disturb her - so I'm hooked LOL. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely, Gemma! I love the country. Fresh air, sunshine, and the sounds of nature are so refreshing.
ReplyDeleteWhenever a character says, "life is good," I immediately suspect it's about to change...
ReplyDeleteYou set up the scene so beautifully. Now I'm looking around wondering what's going to shatter that perfect tranquility.
ReplyDeleteHow did she know the fisher's eyes were hopeful? sorry pov is my weak spot so I really concentrate on it in others' work
ReplyDeleteHi Sue, Thank you for commenting. As a fisherman's purpose is to catch fish I would assume he would be looking at his line hopefully, I was just waxing lyrical.
DeleteOut of context, I can't be sure you don't do this elsewhere, but in case you don't...
ReplyDeleteThe description creates a lovely tranquil feel, but a little more might help. The air must be still for the reflections to be so perfect--is the day warm, or cool? Are there leaves on the trees? Another sensory detail would really tie this together--what she smells, feels, or hears, maybe.
Hi Caitlin, thank you for your comment. It's so hard in eight sentences to show the largest part of the paragraph. I do go on to describe weather and things in more detail, thank you for your input.
DeleteI'm definitely in for more of this story. I have no idea where you're going with it, but I want to know more. :)
ReplyDeleteShe seems the opposite of me, the country side stresses me out.
ReplyDelete