Blurb:
These are four stories linked together by
the common thread of men striving to love other men. From the playful, anxious
times of young men’s infatuations with high school buddies in Growing Up in My
Hometown and Then and Now, to experimenting with other men who share the same
fantasies of having sex with another man fueled by that strong testosterone
driven urge to explore each other’s bodies intimately, as in The Slumber
Party. Seeking a commitment is the
common goal with each character in each story. In Pagan Knights of Cambria, the
main character strives to find that inner peace forging him ahead to build on
the relationship he has with his long-term companion.
The question always arises, “Will he always
love me?”
Excerpt from Then and Now
After failing at finding love with other
men for many years, I found a comfortable, more content life; attaining a
sustained love with Timothy. I reflected on the many times I fell in love as a
young man. The memories were more like sentimental journeys. But I also
remembered the excessive pain. I wondered what it would’ve been like if I had
found lasting love earlier in life with my devoted Timothy.
Like a fallen leaf from a stately tree,
Timothy dropped into my burrowed bed, enabling me to mend my disabled ways in
love and rekindling the passionate fire of sexuality. We built our love on
trust, honesty, and a bond of camaraderie where we rejoiced in fun. We acted
out our sexual fantasies we’d both kept suppressed for too many years.
Timothy was a late bloomer- disguising his
sexual orientation in a heterosexual relationship and raising a family. As for
me, I looked for love in the most forced situations in places most people would
never go. I was bent on abusive anonymity in bars like the Capri, Stud, and
Toad Hall, bathrooms and glory holes like those at Harmon Gym in Berkeley, the
beaches at San Gregorio and Devil’s Slide, and the bushes in parks, like Alta
Plaza and Buena Vista. I sought romantic love in the wrong places, receiving
instant gratification, and then becoming lost in disappointing loneliness. If
only I‘d found love with a man like Timothy in my youth. Why did I, as do so
many young men, look for love with each other, so cruelly blind?
Looking back, my sexual urges soared in
high school to heights I could barely comprehend.
At seventeen I lived life like I expected;
attempting to date the prettiest, most intelligent girls in school. But my real
intentions were bent on impressing the guys I desired. Dating these girls made
me cool and suave. Then I could be the best buddy of the guys I worshipped. I
made a few of them more than best of friends. Feeling challenged by my peers, I
dated younger girls to seek the friendship with the boys surrounding them. I
dated Shelley, who became bait for building a friendship with a boy she knew.
He stimulated my libido. Sadly, I could only enjoy him in my fantasies, alone.
I was, mistakenly enrolled in eighth period
in gym, the session reserved for boys on sports teams. When showering, I tried
to conceal my new, youthful growth of my chest hair. Most of the guys were
smooth-chested, including the older seniors. In gym one day, I befriended
Barry. He resembled a young Robert Redford. I smelled his scent afar, not
recognizing those arousing male hormones until I became an older, more
experienced gay man. He was two years younger, and the star quarterback on the
junior varsity football team. I secretly spied on him when we showered, dressed
and undressed, inhaling and languishing in his masculine perfume.
One day he confided his romantic interest
in another girl, Sue. She was friends with Shelley my current girlfriend. Barry
and I met for lunch every chance we had, sharing our romantic pursuits.
Not athletically inclined, I wondered why
he wanted to share these intimate stories with me. I assumed he’d rather
associate with jocks, than me, as a student enrolled in an advanced academic
program. Most friends and acquaintances were quick to categorize me. “You’re so
smart; you’re a brain.” That usually implied social ostracism. But Barry
admired my intellect, not ridiculing my sole achievement. He made my fantasies
leap to voracious heights when we sat together.
Kids in high school attended varsity
football games but rarely watched junior varsity. My unwavering intrigue with
Barry convinced me to observe the junior varsity practices and games. He was
pleased by my attendance.
After football season came to an end and
living in close proximity, we walked home together. While walking one day,
Barry requested my help to write a poem for Sue, one with romantic flair.
I shared books of literature from the
Romantic period, like the works of Emerson, Thoreau, Wordsworth, Shelley, and
Poe. Their poetry flowed through my veins, motivating me to create a closer,
dangerous relationship with Barry. Late each afternoon, after walking home, we
spent time in his bedroom writing poetry while my frustrated desires swelled
inside. At times I wished I was able to express, I love you. I want you more of
you. Can’t you feel it too?
Many of those afternoons, while composing
poetry, he looked at me with those clear, sparkling blue eyes, asking me to
respond to his inspiration. When I hoped he’d utter a phrase of affection or
attraction, he asked, “Do you think this is too flowery?”
Befuddled I replied, “No but look closer at
one of the poems we read. I think it was Byron’s.” While he reread the poem, I
studied the masculine bone structure of his face until felt my dick rising
beneath the denim of my Levis.
After spending afternoons with Barry, l lay
in bed at night imagining his presence. My penis was hard and aroused. Closing
my eyes, I imagined his sun bleached, blond tipped brown hair, and his powder
blue eyes lighting up the sky like Fourth of July sparklers. I envisioned his
well-toned body, his chiseled chest covered with sprouts of darker brown hair,
firm buns forming half-moons spotted sparsely with short brown hair, and then
his cock. I couldn’t control my visualizations and fantasies any longer. I
masturbated, hoping the reality of us making love would be realized and soon.
Lying on my bed, content, I wished he was
next to me snuggling his head on my chest and wrapping his legs around my
waist. “If we were free enough, we would be happy. I yearn to be close to you.
You’re my constant obsession. Do you feel that way about me?” I whispered these
words, hoping he was reciprocating similar words while in his own bed.
When spring’s days lengthened into summer
vacation, I acquired my driver’s license. I used one of the family’s cars, so
we could double date with our girlfriends. But those nights were politely tame.
When we went to the drive-in movies, Shelley was in the front with me, while
Barry and Sue nestled into the backseat. We pursued the usual petting and
foreplay conservatively. Occasionally, my eyes drifted back to Barry. His eyes alertly
open. He glanced at me, the sparkle of romance glimmering at me. Then he
winked, making me feel extra special.
About the Author:
Pablo Michaels disguised himself as a shy,
friendly heterosexual during his adolescence, fantasizing other males. Falling
in love with another man his first year in college, he followed him to another
university to maintain their platonic love, while he continued in his in
studies. When he had his first sexual encounter with another man, just before turning
twenty-one, he exploded into gay life with lust and anger. He attempted to live
his new life naturally, seeking love, ignoring the statistics of the books he
read on homosexuality in high school, and proving what he had read was wrong.
He wrote poetry and stories since third
grade. When he turned twenty-one, he moved to San Francisco to work and write,
experiencing more of gay life. In the 1980's he wrote every chance he had,
trying and failing miserably at publishing mainstream fiction. He published his
first story in 1986 in a literary magazine.
After writing plays, short stories, poetry,
and two novels, he began writing gay genre stories, since he had more knowledge
and experience with gay lifestyle. Trying to publish, he went to a library
seminar hosted by two published authors. Inspired by the gay writer, Scott
Kemble he connected with him on the Internet site for The San Francisco Bay
Area Literary Arts Newsletter and Review, which published four of Pablo's short
stories.
Feverishly writing since 2004, he published
his first e-book: "Pagan Knights of Cambria "with Life of Riley
Productions in London. Soon a mainstream story, "When Johnny Comes
Marching Home Again Hooray", published also. In 2012 Pablo self-published
his first novel, "Catnip, Rosemary, Rage and Time", combines mystery
and humor in a gay, erotic romance. He continues to write more episodes in his
next novel, The Deer in the Forest The plot spreads over several decades, about
a man's attempts to adapt to the world he lives, all with love, heartache,
history and survival at no cost.
His latest article, Why Gay Men Retire to
Palm Springs, was just published in the very popular SimplySxy.com online
magazine. You can read the insightful article here.
Favorite Reading:
Catcher in the Rye, The Odyssey, The Man
Who Fell in Love with the Moon, Bent, The Fifth of July, The Stranger, The Thin
Author Links:
Amazon 5 Star Review
Amazon 5 Star Review
Amazon 5 Star Review
