Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Good Lover, Bad Lover
Okay everyone what makes a good lover? Yes l know, can open, worms everywhere! But we probably do all have views on the subject. Is it Eric Claptons 'Slow hand' that does it for most of us girls? Do we crave excitement from our men in the bedroom? How about someone who can read our minds as well as our bodies and instinctively know what we want? Hmm, yes a mind reader, l think for most women that would make life easier some of the time. But come on, we've all read Cosmo' we know that it is up to us to show our men what we like don't we? We have to guide them by a series of appreciative moans and gentle hints, we can even show them, if we're brave enough, by touching ourselves the way that we would like them to touch us. So therefore, there is no such thing as a bad lover right?
Well no, l don't agree. I actually think that some people, male and female, will never be good lovers. Before you inundate me with angry comments let me just explain where l am coming from.
When l was younger and had my first long term sexual partner l believed that everyone could be a great lover. My boyfriend at the time was always rough, he used to squash my breasts beneath him because even though it hurt me, he liked to feel them against his body. I explained that l didn't like this, in fact l didn't like any of his sexual techniques (though of course l didn't tell him that) he was rough like l said, but he also had no sense of rhythm (something that is surely vital in good sex). I thought it was my fault, l was very young (17) and didn't have anything to compare him to. I didn't even know my own body well enough to encourage him to do what l liked. He was much older (22) and had plenty of experience, however this did not make him a better lover. At 18 l bought a vibrator and a couple of sex magazines and experimented with myself.
There have been other lovers, also long term, but sadly they also seemed to do what they wanted to do, even though l tried to persuade them otherwise. If l was on top, setting the pace, they would soon tire of this and fling me underneath them in a flurry of selfish passion, afterwards they would have a half hearted attempt at bringing me to climax as quickly as possible so that they could go to sleep. This would inevitably result in a trip to the bathroom where l could do the job so much better alone. Nobody wants to feel that someone is doing them a duty by trying to make them climax. I realise that a lot of people will be reading this and criticising me for not being stronger with my lovers. But lt's hard isn't it?
I am a very sensual being. there is nothing wrong with hot passionate quickies, l make a living out of writing about them! But oh, stroke me, dress me up, kiss me, play with me!
I have a superb partner now. I think it's because he is every bit as sensual as l am. We make love for hours (something l never really believed happened in real life before) l dress up for him and he takes the time to appreciate the effort l have made. He loves my body and doesn't just want to use it (unless l want him too!) and l get to play with his for as long as l like! We talk, we listen, we have fun.
So, is it just a compatability thing? Maybe not all women would appreciate such attention? I know a lot of men are not in touch with their sensuality. Many feel threatened, for example, by the fact that we masturbate, and maybe even watch a little porn. But then l'm sure there are many women out there who feel threatened by these sexual releases in their men? Many will never experience the act of giving yourself completely to another.
Maybe l wouldn't have either if my life hadn't changed, but l'm so glad lt did!